NOTHING EVER IS

- LYRICS -

1. DO YOU HAVE A CAR

Baby, ain’t it soon to say goodbye?

What’s another day? What’s another night?

I feel very broken, very done

Do you have a car? Does it run?

You came on the radio

I cry now for the emptied cave

The holy versus the godless man

Now who would make you pray?

Don’t worry, I know you need believing

I’ll veil you, let you operate

I’ll hold you since you’re everyone

I’ve ever loved, but couldn’t make

Love me

Baby, ain’t it soon to say goodbye?

What’s another day? What’s another night?

I feel very broken, very done

Do you have a car? Does it run?

In the silent theater

You’re the only one who moved

If I told you my reach was further

You would need it proved

Lipstick smeared on the back of your hand

Resting on my thigh, we cruised

Engine light reflected in the glass

It hung there like an orange moon

Above me

Baby, ain’t it soon to say goodbye?

What’s another day? What’s another night?

I feel very broken, very done

Do you have a car? Does it run?

You lean in to whisper

“The closer you are the less you can see"

I watch a woman assume nobody’s looking

As she checks herself in the windows of the street

I have learned from growth to do what hurts the most

And for some that means to have to leave

But with ease I wilt and turn the wheel

I’ll never face what you really need

From me

Baby, ain’t it soon to say goodbye?

What’s another day? What’s another night?

I feel very broken, very done

Do you have a car? Does it run?

 

2. BEYOND YOU, HONEY

I've glanced over your shoulder at the day in its blur

I couldn't call it beautiful even if it were

With you right here before me in your circus of words

Grinning sweetly back at me as if that's something I deserve

 

Don't tell me there's any beauty in this world

Beyond you, honey, beyond you

I've seen photos of earth from beyond these blue skies

It looked so cold and alone what with nowhere to hide

I've seen myself reflected in the black of your eyes

Oh, I don't wanna leave you when you draw the blinds

Don't tell me there's any beauty in this world

Beyond you, honey, beyond you

I've seen a man fall wailing, shrieking on his knees

Jump up and run, arms flailing, cracking up down the street

Past someone else's vomit at the base of a dead tree

Choked off long ago by this filthy city's wheezing

Don't tell me there's any beauty in this world

Beyond you, honey, beyond you

I saw good in this world

I saw good in me, too

But I've done ugly things

With no good excuse

And since then it's laid itself bare

Down beside me in this room

I can't stand the sight of it

In such plain view

I roll over and stare at you

Don't tell me there's any beauty in this world

Beyond you, honey, beyond you

 

3. LIKE THE LADY WAITING BY HER PHONE

The cool kid, driving by’s all broken, but she wants him

Summer nights he picks her up, but when she calls he’s unresponsive

Sick of all his loss, does what he wants, he won’t be the one left alone

Like the lady waiting by her phone

 

He don’t wanna lie, he don’t wanna cry, he don’t wanna die alone

Like the lady waiting by her phone

Kids running ‘cause they can, she can’t remember what ma’s missed

Home babbles like a brook, new baby on her hip, watch ticking on his wrist

Ma really oughta see how much older all the kids have grown

Like the lady waiting by her phone

She don’t wanna lie, she don’t wanna cry, she don’t wanna die alone

Like the lady waiting by her phone

You could volley blame, but for the score, you’d have to ask her

You’ve never known a better woman, could you’ve been a bigger bastard?

Oh, why bother fixing what was broken long ago?

Like the lady waiting by her phone

You don’t wanna lie, you don’t wanna cry, you don’t wanna die alone

Like the lady waiting by her phone

I just got word that she’s got cancer

I know that I should call, but I’m half afraid she’ll answer

Don’t know how I’ll say that it’ll be alright when I don’t know

Like the lady waiting by her phone

 

I don’t wanna lie, I don’t wanna cry, I don’t wanna die alone

Like the lady waiting by her phone

4. IF I CARED FOR YOU AT ALL

Now, I’m not pretty, but mama said at night

With my lipstick on and in the right kinda light

I could do alright and even better I ever learned to keep my mouth shut

“Honey, it’s in how you sit on the fence in between elegance and smut”

 

If I cared for you at all

If you cared for me at all

Isn’t it a pity when you’re sorry for yourself?

But not what you’ve done or for anyone else

I believe in getting even when at odds with everybody against me

When I’m hurting, I'm hurting you since you’re nearest as the one who defends me

If I cared for you at all

If you cared for me at all

Now, I can’t seem to help not letting it heal

Y’know how picking at scabs has its strange appeal?

When I see your big sad eyes and inside’s my pathetic reflection

In vain applying salve to our wounds and sympathetic infections

If I cared for you at all

If you cared for me at all

Then I’d please you, you’d please me

God, I hope you understand

I don’t hurt you thinking you can’t take it

But ‘cause I know you can

I care, I swear I’m kind; I just can’t help

Flinching at your hand

There’s a kind of love reserved for gods

For strangers, saints, and undoubtedly dogs

And what that mutt at your heels feels is real, honest, and pure

While I wheel and deal you diamonds and hearts from up the sleeve of my faux fur

If I cared for you at all

If you cared for me at all

 


 

5. DO YOU UNDERSTAND

Do you understand?

When I reach for your hand I aim to keep you here

Out of fear

And out of all the eyes that I have watched adore you

 

Do you understand?

What I do and what I can

Is all the same for you

What's your excuse?

Why is it that I fail to feel the more that I explore you

Guard me, guide me

If I can't have you beside me

Spare me, hide me

From everything inside me, inside me

Do you understand?

Or are you too dumb and damned

By all your own desires?

We've crossed our wires

And though I've got you tied I can't trust that you'll receive me

 

Do you understand?

My love is that of man

Obsessive, small

Possessive, crawl

To me; I trust only the fact that you'll deceive me

Do you understand?

Guard me, guide me

If I can't have you beside me

Spare me, hide me

From everything inside me, inside me

 

6. NOTHING EVER IS

Mama don't you see?

I got somebody mad at me

And it wasn't my fault exactly, but now, nothing ever is

And if there's anything from you that I have learned it's how to turn and twist and make it his

Hold my breath 'til I turn blue, if tears don't do the trick, how 'bout a kiss?

Who could stay mad at this?

 

Mama don't you see?

I’ve never wanted what I need

And maybe because I’m dramatic, where I’m bruised I’d rather bleed

To stain the hands of any man who dares to try and play for keeps

Or set the speed

As a lamb, I understand, my tender wool once dyed and bleached

Is just as clean

Mama don't you see?

What all of this has done to me?

Oh, goodness knows I'm gentle

Y'know I wouldn't hurt a fly

But nature is as nature does and pain is always just enough to lift that lie

Against the wall I'm not above my claws dug into all I love while I watch it die

And mama, I'm so sorry that the weight of all this falls on you, but it's what you deserve

Never was I asked if I desired to be born into this wicked world

Of all the nerve

 

7. LIKE A MOTH

Like a moth in the night, take off is sweet and easy

Bob and weave 'neath the light of your love

Keep me shy of the moonlight above

Burn me quick and bright, ash is freedom when it's breezy

Bury seeds and let me take flight

 

Kicked up out of the dust

Tell me who can I trust?

Could be you if I must

Might as well be in love

In a world goin' bust

Like a child sitting high upon a wild one trick pony

Heels and hooves kicked me into the sky

Keep me mouth full of dirt, clear of pride

In the mud, pain in my side but no moss has overgrown me

Prop me up, dust me off, let me ride

Kicked up out of the dust

Tell me who can I trust?

Could be you if I must

Might as well be in love

In a world goin' bust

 

8. ALL I DESERVE

A man as any other, owing nothing to me

Stopped and offered me a peach

I took a bite and I critiqued:

"Y'know it isn't all that sweet"

Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee

Spin the wheel and bring me fortune, fortune

Give me all I deserve

Time to deal me my portion, portion

Give me all I deserve

A woolen coat so new and clean

The old sheared sheep I'll never see

So she may carry on and bleat

Oh I'm so cold I might just freeze

Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee

Spin the wheel and bring me fortune, fortune

Give me all I deserve

Time to deal me my portion, portion

Give me all I deserve

I've got a home now and a tree

And from my sweat's grown every leaf

I bear my fruit now unto he

Who says: "It isn't all that sweet"

Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee

 

9. ALL HE HAS

The old man rattles down the street in battle

But his foe’s no sucker for a gun

His hackles raised against the beast in chase of him

Can’t anybody tell him what he’s done?

Time is sloshing back and forth and breeching

Has the day just ended or begun?

Strangers peeking in, they come in reaching at him

“Dad, you know me, I’m your son”

 

All he has

Is: “When I was boy

 

My father worked the farm and with ma danced arm in arm

We ate tomatoes off the vine and one day it would all be mine

We watched bulbs and filaments light for the first time in all of our lives

I watched an army horse that jumped so high, one black out of 34 white

I live there now, I live there now with my children and my wife

 

And it’s all I have”

 

10. WHEN THE STRINGS NO LONGER BEND

She killed the man with all the words she knew

As smoke and voices billowed and swirled about the room

Oh, she sang for him so sweetly and no one seemed to care

He loved her so completely and all he could do was stare

 

Who will sing to me when the strings no longer bend to suit the blues?

Her hair in perfect curls, lips soft ‘round every word

Sweat collected on his brow with every note he heard

Oh, he rose with his ovation in an apathetic crowd

Made his way backstage as she took a final bow

Who will sing to me when the strings no longer bend to suit the blues?

He grabbed her and sputtered, nothing came out the right way

And he couldn't have her screaming over all he had to say

Panic consumed him as his hands filled with muffled cries

And she went limp and dim as he apologized

Who will sing to me when the strings no longer bend to suit the blues?

 

11. OLIVIA

Olivia, Olivia

Of skin and manner fair

To the beauty of her being only her talent could compare

Olivia, Olivia

Of curious blue eyes

By steady hand she captured souls and worlds, immortalized

 

Olivia, Olivia

Of love and life and light

Gleaming in our daily minds and visits in the night

 

Olivia, Olivia

Of years both young and wise

A crown of gold atop her head she now grows amongst the pines

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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© 2018 by Riley Pinkerton